“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. ~ Ephesians 4:26-27
If I’m being completely honest, parenting and wifing make me want to yell most days. Literally: the tear-your-hair-out, make-your-throat-hurt type yelling. The kind of yell that comes from the bowels of my soul. There is something inherently wonderful about letting it all go in one crazy swoop of anger. But there are also repercussions when this anger is directed toward someone who ends up being the fall guy for all of the frustration and resentment that has built-up over time.
So, this is where I find myself. The Yelling-Hot-Mess-Mom-and-Wife. Although I have access to a therapist who is wonderful, I find myself struggling with this problem on the regular. At any given moment of the day, some of the following thoughts flow through my brain like fire:
- How many times do I have to show him how to clean the dishes before they’re done right?
- That sock/piece of garbage/book has been sitting in the middle of the floor for TWO DAYS now – when is someone besides me going to notice it and pick it up?
- Why does she talk so rudely to her friends when she thinks I’m not around to hear?
- Why can’t they just pick up after themselves when they’re done with an activity? I’ve shown them on numerous occasions what this area should look like when it’s picked up!
- I better plan out my clothes for the week. I’m not completely sure if laundry will get completed this weekend.
Interestingly enough, the majority of my thoughts have to do with people not taking responsibility or truly caring for our shared environment.
Now, here’s the deal. There is no way that I am a super-tidy person…I don’t even fall into the “tidy” category but when I pick up or clean an area to find stuff dumped in/on that area the next time I see it, I feel like I’m going to blow my top! I can work THREE HOURS on getting my kids’ play area in the living room tidied, and it’s a complete mess within minutes of them sitting down to play. THEY have even been assigned to clean spaces on numerous occasions, just to mess the area up again within minutes of being done with the cleanup!
My husband says that I’m struggling with control. After contemplating his astute observation, I feel that, in a way, he’s right (shhh…don’t tell him I said that!). It is extremely difficult for me to find the patience to tell someone to please begin or finish a task when I have already told them countless times what it should look like when complete, and when I feel it is completely within their capabilities to get the task done. It’s not that I want to control the person, however, it’s that I want to control the situation. If I assign a task, I want the task to be completed with pride.
This is where my anger has gotten the best of me. I feel as though everyone is continually falling short of my expectations.
Well…I’ve begun to realize that I can’t force situations to change, especially when people are involved. What I can do, though, is lower my expectations a bit and demonstrate grace and patience when I have to have someone finish a task they did not complete.
***insert deep breaths here***
Here’s a little painful truth for you (and me!): People will ALWAYS fall short of our expectations, and situations will always have variables we can’t control! My prayers have changed recently, as I focus on where this anger comes from. I have begun praying that God continually works in my heart to see situations through His eyes and not my own. I have also been praying that he mutes my mouth when I need to pause because anger is beginning to take over. I have begun to pray, “God, please help me see you in ALL situations and help me see myself and others through Your eyes at all times. Amen.”
Here are some scriptures that help remind me of Biblical reasons to keep my mouth shut…especially when I’m angry. For a high-quality printable version, please click on the picture below.
